TLC’s What Not to Wear and Fitpacking

An opportunity has presented itself to be on TLC’s What Not to Wear for Boston area residents.

If you have a female friend or relative who could use a wardrobe and hair makeover and would also be a good candidate for a Fatpacking Trip, please let me know.

TLC is open to adding a body composition change / weight loss component to their upcoming visit to Boston. Once the person accepts, we will take them on a week-long Fatpacking Trip, and then they’ll go to New York with a slimmer figure for the traditional show, although TLC will of course determine how all this plays out.

If you are comfortable nominating a friend or relative for this show (remember, it has to be a secret), think they will be amenable to accepting, and would be capable of completing one of our trips, please let me know as soon as you can.

Please also tell me a thing or two about the person that would pique the interest of a casting director. Photos and even a video would be that much better.

I need to respond by the 24^th, so the sooner the better.

I hate Twitter

Iranian uprising notwithstanding, I think Twitter is stupid. But since vapidity has never been a limiting factor for me, my inner lemming has compelled me to start Tweeting. My Twitter name is “abuse_me”.

If you decide to follow @abuse_me, you will find that abusive tweets will be delivered directly to you without the cumbersome hassle of talking to your boss or your spouse or listening to conservative talk radio. So if you’re ever feeling full of yourself or need to be knocked down a peg, consider being among the first to follow @abuse_me. With your support, this can turn into one of those ubiquitous viral Internet memes like Badger Badger Badger.

http://computerhunter.us/?p=9364

http://sentientforcefield.blogspot.com/2009/06/ephemera.html

Writer, real estate expert, raconteur, and dervish (whatever that is) Suzanne Stavinoha announces her new travel book called Ciao Sweetie, detailing how to plan your own vacation to an Italian Villa. Buy a copy here: http://www.amazon.com/Ciao-Sweetie-Vacation-Tuscan-Farmhouse/dp/1440119414/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242874312&sr=1-1. If you buy enough copies, she’ll be able to leave the position she just accepted with CB Richard Ellis in Houston.

That’s all for now (what, you want more content to consume?). Please inundate me with your news.

This message is mirrored at http://stevesmildlyinformativestuff.blogspot.com/.

Johnny, tell him what he’s won…

It’s a brand new car!

While most people regularly strive to improve themselves with professional, personal, or emotional breakthroughs, I found it easier to just buy a new car instead. It’s a Toyota Solara SLE Convertible (SLE = Solara Loogie Edition). It’s not nearly as exciting as I’ll claim it is when I try to sell it someday, but I do enjoy driving it with the top down and heated seats on. As this is the first time I’ve ever purchased a non-American car, I was pretty conflicted about it.

I test drove a Pontiac G6 Convertible and now wonder if I (and others like myself) had just bought American, whether Pontiac might have survived. Ultimately, I didn’t buy the G6 because A) when the top was down, there was no trunk space B) the top would not go down on the (cold) day that I test drove it, and C) OMG, what a slimy, slimy salesman.

The entire experience raised a philosophical conundrum. As a Liberal, I wonder why other Liberals who go out of their way to buy local products at premium prices, abandon these principles to unilaterally buy foreign cars. Similarly, Conservatives who consistently stock up on the cheapest import products at MALL * WART steadfastly buy American vehicles. I’m not sure why such an inconsistency exists, but I’m sure someone will histrionically explain it to me in the most partisan way possible.

In other news, and I use “news” in the loosest sense of the word, Fitpacking has received some media coverage. Check out this recent article from MSNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30137945/?pg=5#Travel_IT_FitnessTravel. The splash page for the article can be found here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30137945/?pg=1#Travel_IT_FitnessTravel in case you are interested in say, Bikini Boot Camp.

Actually, business has been hard to predict. While the March trip to Joshua Tree National Park was great (see the first set of amazing photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/39834440@N00/sets/72157617570761259/ ), the April Great Smoky Mountains Trip had to be cancelled due to lack of participation. Fortunately, the forthcoming Shenandoah National Park Trip is completely full. I have no idea why participation is spotty, but I can assure you that all trips are marketed equally poorly.

Now if you were ever inclined to ask me “How’s work?” you might expect me to issue the borderline Pavlovian response “I hate my job”. However, if you can overlook a little cognitive dissonance, I was actually featured in a Calgary Sun article entitled “Why I Love My Job”. http://career.calgarysun.jobboom.com/headlines-calgarysun/2009/02/13/8382701.html.

If you are a preservationist who sees value in preserving our shared architectural heritage, please go to http://www.partnersinpreservation.com/ and vote for the Paragon Carousel as worthy of protection and rehabilitation. Built in the roaring 20s when people built merry-go-rounds because alcohol was illegal, the Paragon Carousel is iconic of Hull’s identity. The Carousel is currently in first place in online voting, and sorely needs the funds that winning this competition would bring to restore it to its former grandeur as an architectural treasure (and fairly lame ride). Please vote once a day through May 17th.

And if you are into really old buildings, maybe Italy is the place for you. Will this be the year you finally visit? Contact mailto:suzanne@suzstav.com>Suzanne Stavinoha , who is coordinating a farmhouse villa vacation in Tuscany this September to either Villa Clara (http://www.italianvillas.com/villa.aspx?villa=105997) or La Pozza di Volpaia (http://www.italianvillas.com/villa.aspx?villa=105977). These wonderfully romantic edifices are both beautiful and quaint (translation: constructed before the days of plumbing). The cost is between $750-$900, but you should e-mail her for details.

Who among us hasn’t always wished for breakfast falafel? Well, maybe God hasn’t answered this prayer, at least Paula Cofman will. She is opening a new Hull eatery called “To Dine For”, and will be serving up delicious American and Mediterranean delicacies daily. More details forthcoming.

Though I’ve never really been a one issue voter, I have a new singular criteria that I am going to use to determine who to vote for. If a candidate claims that they will eliminate waste or bloat, they will automatically not receive my vote, even if this obviates me from voting for anyone at all.

Oh sure, there are always services you pay for that you don’t use, but that doesn’t make these services wasteful. Everything is wasteful to someone. Even the destitute among us have a right to claim that government is wasteful because their sales tax dollars are spent maintaining infrastructure that they don’t use.

Politicians who promise to cut out the fat are really promising you … that’s right, a big bag of nothing. These candidates might as well just proclaim, “I oppose terrorism!” to the adoration of wild cheering crowds. Normally, I’d try to tie up this train of thought with some kind of thought-provoking revelation, but I’ve decided to cut out the waste.

If you have news you’d like me to disseminate next edition, please let me know! And remember that Steve’s Mildly Informative Stuff is a self-important blog: http://stevesmildlyinformativestuff.blogspot.com/

More Coffee, Please

While I don’t want to dwell on the palpable negativity and gloom that pervades our everyday lives, I do feel it’s important to acknowledge that life for most of has become virtually void of the joy we once experienced, and that I am affected by it more than I’d like to admit. I say this to offset the notion that the “how great my life is” pabulum proffered in this Mildly Informative communiqué is a completely accurate representation of the entire elephant (if you are blind, my life is an elephant, and you are one of those Cretins who believes that metaphors are somehow clever and illustrative).

That said, my life is great! During the last week of January, I was fortunate enough to guide the Cumberland Island, GA Fitpacking trip, a new destination. The island is largely flat and features gnarled, century old live oak trees, saw palmettos, and scads of tilazia eucinoides, aka Spanish moss, which by the way, is great for cleaning oil out of a popcorn pot. We saw a panoply of the island’s charismatic mega-fauna including wild horses, wild hogs, alligators, armadillos, and dolphins, not to mention a wealth of birds and smaller critters.

I could continue to try to instill you with false enthusiasm about the trip by droning on and on about it in prose, but why not just look at some of Z’s photos here:
http://www1.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=278854972/a=7458331_99082776/t_=7458331 as well as some of Julie’s photos here: http://www1.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=258485474/a=7458331_160772505/t_=7458331.

While we’re on the subject of backpacking, the website Trip On A Deal recently featured Fitpacking in their very first video segment of 2009: http://triponadeal.blip.tv/file/1630580/. In the immortal words of Frank Zappa, “It’s a little bit cheesy, but it’s nicely displayed”. The Fitpacking coverage occurs only about a minute or two into the broadcast, so you can probably sneak this into your day while on hold for your hair appointment, even though your hair probably looks far better than you think it does, and if you just smiled once in a while, nobody would even notice your hair.

Attention people who read! Elitists like you may prefer reading a website about Fitpacking over watching a video about Fitpacking. Of course, you most likely prefer suffering through a kidney stone to either. So after you pass that stone, why not check out the slightly less painful Fitpacking feature on the HealthStatus website: http://www.healthstatus.com/health_blog/2009/01/05/2009-weightloss/

Regarding media coverage, not much new on the barf bag front, although the Air Sickness Bag Museum did have a few blog mentions recently:
http://www.been-seen.com/article.cfm?id=10848
http://jimmathers.com/02/04/crazy-museums/

On a more serious note, I received the following from Ann Lefebvre:

My friend, Margie LaSalle in Atlanta GA has been diagnosed with bone cancer and has been given a prognosis of less than 2 years. She has a husband and two very young children whom she will leave behind very soon. Since Margie is no longer able to use the stairs, they are trying to sell their townhome and purchase a ranch home in the same area. In this market, things just aren't moving and they really cannot wait. So, a children's book has been created in Margie's honor as a message to her two small children about her being around "always and everywhere". The proceeds of this book will directly support the LaSalles in purchasing the home that they desperately need while they sell their townhome and will allow Margie to remain home with her family. The book can be purchased at www.alwaysandeverywhere.org for $14.99.

Please help if you can.

My mother, Noa Miller has been featured in the book “In the Spirit of the Maggid”. One chapter of this book, “A Grandfather’s Plea” details her fairly recent visit to her grandfather’s (my great-grandfather’s) hometown in Germany, and what she found in a letter written by him to German officials soon after Kristallnacht. You can find the book here: http://www.amazon.com/Spirit-Maggid-Paysach-j-Krohn/dp/1422608727/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234131256&sr=8-2. Go Mom!

In conclusion, there are many things to pontificate about, but this time I’d like to weigh in on steroids, which have become resurrected into de rigeur news fodder. While I can see both points of view, I am unsure whether or not records, awards and championships should be stripped away from athletes who have taken performance enhancing drugs. However if it is determined that their athletic accomplishments are tainted and no longer count, then I feel it’s only fair for beauty pageant winners to be stripped of their titles if it’s found that they’ve undergone any kind of cosmetic surgery. For that matter, even wearing make-up should be considered “performance enhancing” and be cause for their dismissal.

Remember that this newsletter is mirrored on the Mildly Informative Blog: http://stevesmildlyinformativestuff.blogspot.com/

Shmatterrific

When I was growing up, little did I realize that my primary value to society would someday be selling shmattes. Or at least helping Talbot’s sell shmattes more efficiently. At retail yet. Oy! Anyway, my project to create a centralized database for their Merchandising Plan continues to help me survive the economic crisis, but unfortunately, draws my attention away from more rewarding endeavors such as Fitpacking and sitting around doing nothing.

Speaking of which, Fitpacking recently received some blog coverage from the Just Camping Out Blog (go figure). To read the advertisement (I mean well-researched article): http://dzynezone.blogspot.com/2008/12/product-reviews-fitpacking-camping-for.html. Now all I have to do is find a way to be featured in the Just Eating Out blog. Or maybe even the “I’m a hot model with a poor self image who thinks I need to lose weight” blog.

In a similar vein, if your looks aren’t quite what they could be (and you care because you haven’t been with your significant other long enough to despise them) consider Arbonne products for face, body, and health care to look and feel better. Diane Ryan now represents these products, which are all natural with no animal testing, and cannot be found in stores. For more information about their product lines or placing an order, contact her here. Disclaimer: I have never tried these products as I’m already considered arm candy.

Oh here’s some news you can safely ignore (except during a nuclear attack). The Air Sickness Bag Museum just received coverage in the Toilet Paper Entrepreneur Blog, as unlikely as that may sound: http://www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com/blog/15-stupid-business-ideas-that-arent-stupid-at-all. Basically, it’s a thinly veiled ploy at getting you to buy an Air Sickness Bags Around the World Poster (for people you hate, but are obligated to give gifts to). They’re “only” $10 and I can virtually guarantee that your intended recipient doesn’t have one: http://www.airsicknessbags.com/GiftShoppe.html.

For those of you who may not be aware of the celebrity status I have attained in Slovenia, here’s yet another Barf Bag Blog post that’s so compelling that I’ve given it its own paragraph: www.pirancafe.wordpress.com/2008/10/10/from-barf-bags-to-napoleons-penis-weird-collections-part-i.

If I ever own a radio station, please remind me to provide listeners a No Christmas Music guarantee. I don’t care that there are plenty of stations entirely dedicated to such music all day every day. In fact, I’m happy for people who enjoy that kind of thing. But it seems that no matter what station you listen to, they feel obligated to throw in about 15% Christmas Music, as if it’s some minimum daily requirement of roughage in your diet that’s supposed to be good for you. It’s as if they think that little morsel of Santa they sporadically spike your IV drip with is just the medicine you need to finally get your digestive tract operating again.

Yes, that WAS Chris Martin who graced your TV screen when you saw the SMU / Texas A&M basketball game on Friday night. What? You missed it? That’s OK. You have 13 more chances to see him announce games through March. Congratulations Chris! See you on the national stage next year?

As a gift for their diligent work, several Obama campaign volunteers were given personalized tote bags similar to this one made by Lizzy Zinn Embroidery: http://lizzyzinn.com/care_feeding/tote-bag-cotton-duck.cfm. Additionally, LZE has been the embroider of choice for all Fitpacking hats. Quality, service, value, selection. These are dumb buzzwords marketing people use to manipulate you, but check out the site anyway.

I wanted to end this newsletter by pontificating about the current economic crisis. I don’t care to comment upon why I think it’s happening, what should be done to fix it, or who may be primarily responsible for it. Mostly, I’d like to comment upon the unfortunate behavior that the threat of penury seems to engender in people.

Tough budget choices and a paucity of largesse polarize people. Instead of approaching our common problems with unity and a singular purpose, the lack of prosperity is divisive. Look at any editorial page or listen to any televised pundit. When people must determine how to appropriate tiny slices of a vanishing pie, they often rabidly attack, deride, and ridicule allotments that would either not benefit them personally or would ever so slightly disagree with their inflexible philosophies.

I am asking you to resist the temptation to express vituperative opposition to ideas different from yours that you may actually support in more prosperous times and find a way to collectively solve our economic problems. Inhumanely bashing each other senseless because our values conflict with other peoples’ may have been tolerable (even enjoyable to some) in good economic times. Let’s not carry these over to current times when we need unity to combat our common problems. I guess my sentiments are best summarized by the visionary words of Bill, “Be excellent to each other”. And finally, let’s not forget Ted’s important rejoinder, “Party on dudes!”

Fashionista!

As Fitpacking lurches and sputters inexorably into off-season obscurity (as opposed to high-season obscurity, I guess) I have just accepted a software contracting position that runs through the end of this year. While I'm supposedly being brought on board for my technical expertise, some might be surprised to learn that my fashion sense may have sealed the deal, as the client is Talbot's (Tall Butt's?) So prepare yourself. If all goes according to my insidiously evil plan, my flair for fashion will soon permeate the racks at J. Jill. I call it "Clueless Couture".

Given my recent experience seeking a contract, the apparently starved-for-content Albany Times-Union solicited my opinion about the assertion that the resume is dead. You can read my unbelievably profound and borderline prescient views about this on their site: http://blogs.timesunion.com/classconflict/?p=711

I just returned from Fitpacking's annual 53-mile Fall Foliage trip which traversed the entire (almost) Connecticut section of the Appalachian Trail. The weather was unbelievable, the views amazing, and the hiking sublime. You cannot verify this however, since no photos have as yet made their way back to me. Regarding upcoming Fitpacking trips however, I'm most excited about escaping winter at the end of January in Cumberland Island National Seashore, GA. http://www.fitpacking.com/2009/CI.cfm

Speaking of Fitpacking, I somehow buffaloed a website geared towards would-be entrepreneurs into thinking that their readership might be interested in my advice about running an emerging business. Bwah ha ha ha, suckers! http://www.gaebler.com/Interview-with-Fatpacking-Founder-Steve-Silberberg.htm

I just had the pleasure of meeting with Adam Reid of Back2Health Spinal Fitness in Hanover, MA. Back2Health can provide a whole array of health options, but specializes in back and neck problems. If you have spinal issues and live near the South Shore of Boston, check out http://www.b2hspinalfitness.com/ . Or you can e-mail Adam directly at: adamreidcei@gmail.com . I'm certain he'll respond quickly, unlike messages sent to me, which immediately plummet into a vortex of procrastination.

Nantasket beach comes alive with awesome waves and pounding surf every Fall. So the other day, when Vickie Baumwald and I were walking her border collie (and my rental dog) Toby on the beach, we spied a lobster trap tumbling around in the incoming tide. I waded into the somewhat frigid water, heaved the trap ashore, opened it up, and we went to town, releasing dozens of crabs, clams, mussels, and the one small lobster that had entered the trap. Yes, crustaceans now consider us heroes (as do the seagulls). Anyway, to celebrate our bold and empowering act of animal liberation, we went out to lunch, passed up the clam chowder, and had some veal instead.

Amazing voice talent Chris Martin can make anyone seem evil. Certainly, barely scratching the surface of most people would expose some evil, but many of us run an ongoing, manipulative, all-encompassing marketing campaign to attempt hide any trace of our banality and therefore humanity, thereby completely obviating any chance of real emotional intimacy with others. The point is, listen to Chris' political voice ads here: http://www.thecampbellagency.com/broadcastfilm/voiceover/men-political.html

This newsletter just wouldn't be very Mildly Informative if I didn't beat you down with recent media coverage of the Air Sickness Bag Museum:

Endless Vacation Magazine:

http://www.fatpacking.com/resume/images/EndlessVacation200809.jpg

Blogs:

http://3rdacts.com/sidebars/airsickness_bag_museum.php

http://coquinadaily.blogspot.com/2008/10/saturday-october-4-2008.html

http://www.been-seen.com/article.cfm?id=10848

Susan Laves just began her Freshman Year at Wellesley College and is already far behind on homework. At least we can now accurately refer to her as, "Susan Laves, Student". Congratulations!

Hey readers, here are some of my pet peeves!

"Do the math" irritates me to no end. It's weasel shorthand for "Do the math, idiot" or more bluntly, "Figure it out, idiot" or even "It's obvious, stupid". There's never any math involved and for some reason, people never take offense when they're called morons in such a cutesy way.

The phrase "People Smarter Than Me" is generally used by smug, sanctimonious jerks trying to somehow deflect deservedly negative judgment of their palpable ignorance using some humble, positive, aw shucks spin doctoring. Y'know what? Be honest and say, "I'm a stupid idiot".

I also hate the word "think" as in Think: Literary Device. What this generally indicates is that the writer has made a poor analogy or a lousy point and feels they must get you to ignore their failed attempt at establishing their idea by tagging their text with what they really meant to say all along. If you make your point, you don't need to tell me to think.

Time for me to end this missive by reminding you that no matter how much money our society has collectively lost recently and no matter how fast we're hurtling towards a protracted depression – Thanks GWB! You're the best president ever! – and no matter how much you love or hate war, we are still officially at war. Our people are still returning home wounded and can really use our support. Here is one way of doing so: http://www.purpledogtag.com .

Remember, you can always view this newsletter as a blog and get the RSS feed here: http://stevesmildlyinformativestuff.blogspot.com/

Summer is Fading :-(

In June, shortly after you ingested your last dose of Mildly Informative Stuff (best taken with Cod Liver Oil), Fitpacking embarked upon the annual White Mountain National Forest trip, where we day-hiked to beautiful mountain summits every day and stayed at Cranmore Mountain Lodge, http://www.cranmoremountainlodge.com/ every night. Here are some of the jaw-dropping (and I guess jaw-neutral) pictures from that trip: http://picasaweb.google.com/LKKarcher/WhiteMountains?authkey=lS9xsbVekWg

Then in July Fitpacking visited New York State for the Adirondack High Peaks backpacking adventure. If you would like to vicariously re-live our excursion without having to deal with the rain, bugs, or body odors, you can view some of the pictures here, courtesy Steve Liljestrand: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=a0popgn.bcpmenfv&x=0&y=f73tu5&localeid=en_US.

And if you’re one of those obsessively voyeuristic people who don’t mind giving up any semblance of privacy in order to see pictures of strangers that were uploaded to a social network, why not check out (and sign up to be a fan of) the Fitpacking Facebook page? http://www.new.facebook.com/pages/Hull-MA/Fitpacking/17187844623?ref=s. Photos from several past trips are available there.

John Chisholm’s transcendent influence on international equity markets continues its ubiquity, as evidenced by the global investment community begging him to share his much sought-after financial insights. Check out his most recent CNBC interview here: http://www.cnbc.com/id/25733338?__source=RSS*tag*&par=RSS


Hiring alert! Cristina Tcheyan, a recent Master’s Degree recipient from the University of California at Davis, is seeking a position in Business Development with a technology start-up. She is available now, so this is your opportunity to snatch her away from the competition. What does she offer? Well, why don’t you suffer through a few of her credentials listed below to see if your company can profit obscenely by exploiting her vast potential?

Cristina Tcheyan is an extremely multi-disciplined self-starter with a strong combination of academic and scientific accomplishments. She is a winner of a National Science Foundation award, a Department of Energy research fellowship, multiple business plan competitions at the MBA level, and various educational scholarships. Cristina is also a published author, accomplished artist, oil, and mural painter, and is bilingual with extensive international travel.

Interest piqued? cris.tcheyan@gmail.com


Other June happenings… I was in an auto accident -- rear ended. While everyone was OK, the insurance company and body shop ended up being really, really OK … I donated my 61st pint of blood yesterday … was sick with a summer cold for a week and a half … did some cat sitting and also some dog sitting for an 8 lb. Chihuahua … I even had a birthday (or 2).

The now 10-year-old Air Sickness Bag Museum continues to amuse and amaze, but mostly neither. However, it does foster occasional curiosity around the web. In what seems to be an odd route to fame for bloggers trying to be taken seriously as budding journalists, bag coverage has appeared in various content starved blogs. Here are three recent examples: http://familytoyblog.com/2008/07/08/odds-ends-collecting-the-unusual/ http://www.blissfullydomestic.com/2008/07/yesterday-i-wro.html http://www.8bitocean.com/2008/08/vomit-in-style-with-vanity-vom-bags.html

Amanda Gilbert, who I met while walking (hiking actually), is not-so-ironically going to walk 60 miles in 3 days to help combat breast cancer. Please support her here: http://08.the3day.org/site/TR/Walk/PhiladelphiaEvent?px=2496950&pg=personal&fr_id=1186&et=A-Z0DDvLmWFdfh9ISI9-HQ..&s_tafId=6022, unless of course you’re some horrible sicko that supports breast cancer, that is.

I was planning to use this forum to spout unbelievably insightful commentary about the Red Hat Society, but the Red Hatters will have to wait ‘til next time as they have been usurped by the ensuing Olympic gleanings.

• Brief exposure to Olympic events that few even realize exist, such as synchronized diving, can transform casual onlookers into instant technical experts.
  
• Every time I see a middle aged male coaching women’s gymnastics, I wonder if he has a predilection for pedophilia.
  
• You will never see a televised Olympic event that the USA doesn’t stand a chance of winning.
• Even Olympic athletes that are automatically marginalized as inferior by TV coverage because they finish last, work out harder and longer every single day of their lives than most of us ever do on any one day of our lives.
  
• Even if they shave their bodies to reduce friction, the majority of Olympic athletes wear jewelry. It can’t possibly help their performances, and it’s not like those earrings are eye-catchingly stylish or anything.
  
• All it really takes to have a successful career interviewing Olympic medal winners, is to repeatedly ask the unanswerable question, “What does this victory mean to you?”
  
• The only possible way to congratulate your teammates is with a High-5 or a hug, and this obligation must be carried out no matter what the actual outcome of the event is.
  
• Some NBC executive must have an erotic obsession with Michael Phelps’ mother. She is given orders of magnitude more screen time than almost any of the actual athletes, even if they are capable of swimming a scant hundredth of a second slower than her son.
  
• An Olympic Track and Field event consisting of running backwards, crawling, skipping, and crab walking is no more absurd than any swimming medley. If the idea is to get from here to there as quickly as possible, why constrain the way people do it?
  
• You can no longer find tangy orange colored French dressing at any restaurant. (OK, this has nothing to do with the Olympics).
  
  Finally, on a serious note, I am wishing for Scott Shangraw’s safe and rapid return from Iraq. In his most recent deployment only a few months ago, he is often placed in the line of fire and he has witnessed people in his contingent being killed and others being wounded. As the war drags on, it’s easy to forget the sacrifice Scott and others like him are making, so I wanted to mention it lest you may have forgotten.
  

Overflowing Inbox!

So many amazing things are simultaneously transpiring that the last newsletter could scarcely contain the burgeoning cornucopia of occurrences! Well, that’s not really true. The only reason I’m sending this addendum now is because an item or two are time sensitive. But come on, you gotta love hyperbole.

Desiree’ Weaver needs to find lodging in Metro West Boston, and quickly. She has a small dog, would like to live within a half-hour drive of Framingham, and would prefer to be near a T or commuter rail line. She’s looking for a year lease if possible. If you have any leads in this area, please contact her ASAP at: dactylicbinkie@gmail.com. (Note to enthusiastic realtors: No, she can’t afford the $3.5 million McMansion that your sellers are desperately trying to dump for $2.9 million.)

Heather Gillis also needs lodging, only she requires it in September and in Seattle. She’ll be attending the University of Washington and would like to live in the U District or Ravenna, but anywhere convenient to UW would work. Actually, I could probably house her in my tenement if it wasn’t already filled with drug dealers renters. Contact Heather at: heather_gillis@hotmail.com.

Many of you have asked to see pictures of recent Fitpacking trips (where much like in Hottentot society, many = 3). Here are some links to the April Great Smoky Mountains Trip and two links to the May Shenandoah National Park Trip:

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=16gnqgjx.5qm1qjxx&Uy=t5fpad&Ux=0&UV=969057418617_430318255605

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=16gnqgjx.2aw1pfqt&Uy=-sftdsq&Ux=0&UV=176296355406_740318255605

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?mode=fromshare&Uc=bbnvfqwl.5uc4k77p&Uy=-pp718&Ux=1&UV=674962905976_450318255605

If you have friends you think might benefit from Fitpacking (“Say, it looks like you could stand to lose some weight!”) please refer them here: http://www.fitpacking.com).

On another note, for those who are impressed by minor culinary successes, I am now a Certified Food Handler / Food Safety Manager by the American Food Safety Institute and the National Registry of Food Safety Professionals. This is the type of utter non-event that your average loser-guy would use to his advantage to try to impress, and ultimately pick up women – often with great success I might add. If only I were that smooth…

If you are feeling altruistic and don’t mind some passive advertising, your click below will provide 1/45,000 of a free mammogram to an underprivileged woman. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com. You can click once per day.

Hey hippies! If you want to throw away your unlimited career potential and receive meager pay to work on some wild haired backpacking venture, the Continental Divide National Scenic Trail needs you. They are hiring a New Mexico Regional Coordinator whose responsibilities include, well, just about everything. Detailed information can be found here: http://www.cdtrail.org/page.php?pname=cdta/jobs/permanent

And big news for Tina Aitala Engblom. She is due to deliver a baby in 3 weeks. Hopefully, the new addition will not materially affect her work on http://www.pathwaystofamilywellness.org.

Finally, I’d like to take this opportunity to deconstruct and try to understand a phrase whose appeal completely escapes me. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”.

I just don’t get who finds this phrase alluring. If I understand its nuances correctly, the primary appeal of the slogan is the secrecy of your actions. This means that Vegas recognizes and is trying to tap into some unquenchable obsession you have of doing shameful things that you would like to keep secret from your business associates, friends and family. While we’ve all done things we’re not all that proud of at one time or another, the premeditated nature of planning an entire vacation around your unsavory acts seems bizarre to me.

As one who is not really all that keyed in to the world of vice (translation: dull nerd) , I’m not sure exactly what types of things “happen” in Vegas that need to stay there, but I immediately dismiss illegal acts like murder and drugs, which I cannot imagine they condone. I speculate that the happenings mainly involve either infidelity, getting highly inebriated, anonymous intimacy with complete strangers, or some combination of the above. I am not so naïve as to overlook the fact that these popular actions are cherished institutions and sacred American freedoms.

But this is where cognitive dissonance kicks in. Why would you go all the way to Las Vegas to find a stranger for companionship (who I guess also came to Vegas for the exact same reason)? Why the secrecy? If you’re predisposed to doing certain things, then just do them. If you enjoy becoming intimate with complete strangers that you’ve only known for an hour or two (no one can accuse YOU of being xenophobic!) why must it stay in Vegas?

Walk with your head high! Be proud that someone found you amazing enough to share themselves with you at the drop of a hat! It shows just how special you are to the other person and illustrates how truly special it must be to be with you. So I wonder, why should something so incredible stay in Vegas?

And now you finally understand why whenever I feel like cross-dressing, I make sure to do it in public, perhaps around town or at your house party.

Remember that this message is mirrored on the blog: http://stevesmildlyinformativestuff.blogspot.com/